The Plea

Follow the path right down
Open the door
Right there for the taking
Reach out, touch it, feel it

Because the way to my heart has complications
Because the way to my heart is for no simple traveler
Because the way to my heart is only for the brave
Be reckless, my love, be strong and take my heart away

I’ve been remiss in my duty
I haven’t kept house the way a girl should
It’s covered in thorns and signs bidding you to be weary
Time to clear out, clean out, become a welcoming home

So it’s there.
It’s finally there.
It’s time to let you in.
Don’t let me down, please… Just don’t let me down.

Catch me if you can....

I have made a decision in my life. I am done chasing men, of seeking their approval, of bending over backwards to please them and be what they want.

Recently, I've started just being myself. No embellishments. No filter to seem more attractive. This is me.

And for the first time in my life, I want to be chased.

I know I have so much to offer someone and I want someone that sees it.

For the first time... I want someone to pursue me. I want them to catch me.


Maybe I'm crazy.

I don't know anymore.

-Manda

Repost of Perfect Man

I know many women that have a list of what makes someone her perfect man.

And I was thinking about it today, after finishing Jane Eyre (if you know me at all you know how those classics get me going).

And at first my list was long and filled with impossible things like "Mysterious man who has trouble saying what he feels but always comes out of shell for me; also has the wit of Shakespeare, the imagination of M. Night Shyamalan, the heart of Fitzwilliam Darcy, the daftness of Albert Einstein, plays guitar like Jeff Buckley, sings like John Gallagher Jr, dances like Gene Kelly and loves me just the way I am." Yeah... Even if a guy like that DID exist, which is most certainly impossible seeing as it would cause the universe to implode, he totally would be too busy with some hot model-type to even know I existed hahaha.


Then I thought about it.

And I realized what would truly make someone my perfect guy.

It's only one thing, which sounds ludicrous after my massive list above.


My perfect man will find something beautiful about me.

Whether it's my eyes, my voice, my laugh, the way I blush over the stupid things, the way I smile when I read something funny but I don't want to share it with anyone just yet because it's better to be kept a secret, even if it's not really a secret because it's in a published book read by thousands; Or even the way I ramble on long tangents for no apparent reason other than I feel the need to get as much detail in as possible so that the other person can truly understand and feel what I'm babbling on about.

Even is it's something as stupid as finding the way I sometimes snort when I laugh adorable.


Because if someone finds something truly beautiful about you, I'm certain that in a way they will cherish you for as long as he has that to grasp onto.



And all of this revelation has come from something, something I only realized recently: I deserve someone that will cherish me.


I may loud, jiggly in several wrong areas, annoying and opinionated; but I'm beautiful in many ways. It took a lot for me to realize this, as anyone who stuck around long enough to read this far probably knows.


Someday, I'll find my perfect man. And when I do, I'll probably make a mess out of it like I make a mess out of everything, but that's ok. I'm human. I've made tons of mistakes and I'll probably make tons more. But I can not let my fear rule my actions; it's time to put myself out there.
(Which shouldn't be too hard since I'm a loud mouth who randomly talks(and frightens) strangers, eh?)

Anyway.. if anyone stuck around to read all of this, give me your thoughts.


What makes your perfect man/woman?
Anything you wanna say, say it.
What's the point of having friends if you can't be blatantly honest with them?

Much love and giggles,
Manda

Lists

I love watching movies with you
I love hearing your voice say hello
I love knowing you're thinking of me
I hate how you don't know

I loved his hand on my back
I loved his breath in my ear
I loved when he called me beautiful
I hate that I say his name in fear

I haven't posted in a few days... I need inspiration.

A Little Less of Me

Went to the doctor today and things finally seem to be looking up. My medication is working, my attitude is improved since... incidences occurred and, oh yeah, I've lost 14 freakin' pounds.

I usually HATE getting on the scale at doctors offices because, like all women, I am ruled by the slightest tilt or shiver as I wait to be told just how horrendously awful I actually look. Today, however, was a pleasant surprise as I stared at the numbers and was told "Wow, you've lost 14 pounds since I last saw you!"

I swear, I feel silly even typing this, I felt lighter than air in that moment. 14 pounds may not be all the weight I need to lose but DAMN if it isn't good to hear.

I was giddy for the rest of the visit and the ride home, even when I got home I skipped off to see my nephews, playing with them for a while. It wasn't until I got home that something hit me.


Being told I lost weight should not make me this happy. I mean, YAY for getting fit and healthy and all that jazz but, I should feel this good about myself even without having the slight validation of a nurse telling me I've lost weight. (Yeah I know, I'm a downer but geeze if this didn't just take the fun out of feeling all cool and skinnier for a moment)

It made me realize, however, that I CAN feel this good without stepping on a scale and getting good news.

So.. dances and puppies for self-love.

-Manda

PS.. Yeah, so still a bit jazzed over the weight loss. So sue me.

Musical Perspective

Musical Perspective
By Manda

Pounding, deep in your veins.
Breath quickens, mind races.
Focus, focus.
Pulsing rhythm in your bones.
Mouth opens, eyes watch.
Music fills the air.

Humming, tickling your skin.
Wrong note, rushing panic.
Focus, focus.
Trying to get back on track.
Push ahead, keep moving.
The self doubt is there.

Tripping, sour to the ear.
Shame burning, disappointment clear.
Focus, focus.
Last note, mouth closes.

Tried and failed.
Just not fair.

The Rose

The Rose
by Manda

Growing with time
Blooming brightly
Long, delicate neck, leading to the rose
Beauty from nature
Graceful perfection

Wait

Imperfection stings
Thrust out from beauty
Unworthy of the beautiful flower
True, a glaring fault
Incredible shame

Tragic

Beauty deserving
Perfection unmarred
Tamed and tainted unjustly, made impure
Pricked, torn, ruined
Broke by a thorn

I'm sorry

Haikus

Within a sunset,
There lies a million dreams
Waiting to be had


Let your life be as
A book, each turn of a page
A chance to know more


A thought I ponder;
If the rose was imperfection
What, then, is perfect?


Love takes many shapes.
Fear, obsession, happiness;
Which is more intense?


If we let the sun
Shine into the room of our
Life, what will we find?


Turn a new leaf just
To inspect the other side.
See if it's better.

Cue the lame intro in... Oh wait this is a blog.

So, this is my blog. I don't know how often I'll write here because I have another one in the works with one of my best friends, Will. I have to write on that one every other day so I guess this blog will be for any other time I feel like exploding in a mess of made up words and incoherent rambles.

So a bit about me... I've always liked writing. I may not do it well, but at least I have a slight entertainment value.

My name is Manda... I'm a singer, daughter, writer, poet, nerd. I'm a student, a sister, a grandchild, a lover.

I'm trying to find myself just like every other person out there. Maybe this time...