I feel disconnected.
From myself, from my friends, from my boyfriend, from my family.
I don't know how to find my way back.
I've tried, I've reached out and tried to grasp the people I once had.
I get shaken off.
My brain is just... out of control.
Too many thoughts, too many things that could, should, would go wrong.
I want to stop worrying.
I want to feel reconnected.
I want to feel the words, the music, the art again.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
So vacation... It's going well.
I miss feeling weight behind me while I sleep. And, as fucked up as this is, I miss his snoring. I definitely miss kisses and "baby"s and all that.
I miss being woken up by a hungry three year old. I miss the laughter, the hissy fits, the screaming, the big eyes and the little "momma".
But this is vacation. I'm supposed to be having fun, right?
What's happened so far... Well...
We made a fifteen hour drive in about ten (My father drove like a maniac while my mother and I slept). We stopped only a few of times. For breakfast (Hardee's biscuit), for bathroom, for gas, for lunch (Chicken and Dumplings), for bathroom, for gas... Then FINALLY we got to Richmond.
My brother is so skinny now, it's a bit creepy to me. The house him and Amy (My sister-in-law-to-be) live in is BEAUTIFUL.
As we drove down the streets of Richmond, I realized how much I missed Virginia. The crowded houses, the multi-storied buildings, the ivy, the general TEXTURE of the state.
We spent a few hours just talking, relaxing. Giving gifts, talking about the week ahead.
Then we all slept. And it was goooood sleep. That was yesterday though....
Well, spent today in Richmond with the family. We went to lunch at the restaurant where my brother works. He cooked our food and everything (little budding chef that he is). It was INSANELY good.
http://www.balliceauxrva.com/
We had the fried calliflower and the chickpea salad- AMAZING and not at all what I expected) and then I had salmon and smoked trout rillette (I also had a healthy amount of Amy's mac and cheese) and ended with the chocolate hazelnut cheesecake.
Perfect. Lunch.
We went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts to walk around while all the food settled and fueled us. Beautiful. I think my favorite piece was a statue of Cleopatra done in white marble. I stared at it, wishing I could touch it. I know, I know.. but it looked so detailed.
And then we came back to my brother and sister-in-law-to-be's house. While they watched soccer, I wrote for a while. Once it got quiet (The parents and the sister-to-be had fallen asleep), my brother and I went to the store to get "food making stuffs and booze".
We ended up making pizza. Sooo good. Zucchini, olive, peppers and mushrooms with fresh basil. It was tasty stuff. We threw all the extra veggies, some kale and lettuce together into a salad to go with it. We also had Vodka-Watermelons. (Cut up fresh watermelon and vodka blended together with some other type of alcohol that tasted very strongly of good black licorice.)
Had a SMALL fallout with the brotherly type but it all ended well with foot massages and jokes.
Now, the house is quiet while everyone is settling down for sleep and me, wide awake as per usual, typing away in the office where I'm sleeping. I have Oh What A Night (December 1963) stuck in my head. Guh.
Tomorrow, I leave for Charlottesville and all the adventures waiting for me there.
I'm sure I'll be writing tomorrow with all that loveliness.
Hasta luego,
Manda
Photo update: 70/1822
Phone Calls To Home: 4
Days Until Home: 10
I miss feeling weight behind me while I sleep. And, as fucked up as this is, I miss his snoring. I definitely miss kisses and "baby"s and all that.
I miss being woken up by a hungry three year old. I miss the laughter, the hissy fits, the screaming, the big eyes and the little "momma".
But this is vacation. I'm supposed to be having fun, right?
What's happened so far... Well...
We made a fifteen hour drive in about ten (My father drove like a maniac while my mother and I slept). We stopped only a few of times. For breakfast (Hardee's biscuit), for bathroom, for gas, for lunch (Chicken and Dumplings), for bathroom, for gas... Then FINALLY we got to Richmond.
My brother is so skinny now, it's a bit creepy to me. The house him and Amy (My sister-in-law-to-be) live in is BEAUTIFUL.
As we drove down the streets of Richmond, I realized how much I missed Virginia. The crowded houses, the multi-storied buildings, the ivy, the general TEXTURE of the state.
We spent a few hours just talking, relaxing. Giving gifts, talking about the week ahead.
Then we all slept. And it was goooood sleep. That was yesterday though....
Well, spent today in Richmond with the family. We went to lunch at the restaurant where my brother works. He cooked our food and everything (little budding chef that he is). It was INSANELY good.http://www.balliceauxrva.com/
We had the fried calliflower and the chickpea salad- AMAZING and not at all what I expected) and then I had salmon and smoked trout rillette (I also had a healthy amount of Amy's mac and cheese) and ended with the chocolate hazelnut cheesecake.
Perfect. Lunch.
We went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts to walk around while all the food settled and fueled us. Beautiful. I think my favorite piece was a statue of Cleopatra done in white marble. I stared at it, wishing I could touch it. I know, I know.. but it looked so detailed.
And then we came back to my brother and sister-in-law-to-be's house. While they watched soccer, I wrote for a while. Once it got quiet (The parents and the sister-to-be had fallen asleep), my brother and I went to the store to get "food making stuffs and booze".
We ended up making pizza. Sooo good. Zucchini, olive, peppers and mushrooms with fresh basil. It was tasty stuff. We threw all the extra veggies, some kale and lettuce together into a salad to go with it. We also had Vodka-Watermelons. (Cut up fresh watermelon and vodka blended together with some other type of alcohol that tasted very strongly of good black licorice.)
Had a SMALL fallout with the brotherly type but it all ended well with foot massages and jokes.
Now, the house is quiet while everyone is settling down for sleep and me, wide awake as per usual, typing away in the office where I'm sleeping. I have Oh What A Night (December 1963) stuck in my head. Guh.
Tomorrow, I leave for Charlottesville and all the adventures waiting for me there.
I'm sure I'll be writing tomorrow with all that loveliness.
Hasta luego,
Manda
Photo update: 70/1822
Phone Calls To Home: 4
Days Until Home: 10
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